Thursday, March 24, 2011

Frik and Frak

Anybody that mentions the movie "The Beach", deserves to be written about. I freely admit that I've never seen the movie, but as I recall, the only press the movie received was about saving the damned beach it was filmed on…before the movie was ever made. That may or may not be a dig aimed at the originator of the comment, but at the very least…it piqued my interest.

Two guys, sitting at the bar in the restaurant I was in, one an aspiring young professional, the other perhaps a modern man of the world:

The conversation centered mostly around various communication and media companies, but it was interesting nonetheless.


FrIk: Didn't you know that Media Company A was acquired by larger Media Company B?

FrAk: No, Man! When did that happen?

FrIk: Man! Haven't you been following the media company feeding frenzy…gobbling up one another for the past season?


Note: He didn't actually answer the question. I wasn't aware of the acquisition, but I haven't been quite keeping up with the media company feeding frenzy either. Score: 30 - Love.


FrIk presents as an olive skinned guy in his late twenties, dressed very well, and a laptop at his disposal on the bar.

FrAk, his darker skinned companion, also in his late twenties and well dressed, displaying a not-so-groomed set of facial hair…cool, hip, but not overly groomed.


FrAk: Have you ever seen the movie, "The Beach"?

FrIk: No, what's it about?

FrAk: It's about this really beautiful beach and they…[completely lost track of the next few words, due to the Tequila Sunshine delivered to me. Think Tequila Sunrise made with Pepper infused tequila…a most marvelous drink!]

FrIk: so they save the Beach?

FrAk: It's a marvelous beach, really really perfect and beautiful.


Note: Second question that goes unanswered…tit for tat. Score: 30 – 30. I would say that I've been to a few beaches in my life, and several of them were quite wonderful…but, I don't remember pitching that we make a movie only about the beach.


[The conversation languishes for a while as they drink and split an appetizer.]


FrIk: Have you ever heard of Zombie Lego Apocalypse?

[Uhm, no, but now you have MY complete and undistracted attention…WTF?]

FrAk: No, what is it?

FrIk: This dude takes little lego people and makes them into zombies, and then creates these apocalyptic scenes where people battle them.

[NO SHIT!!!! Really, where does this stuff come from????]

FrAk: What do you mean? Does he make them? Like little models?

FrIk: I'll show you. [opens laptop and pulls up website]

ME: Excuse me, did I overhear you correctly…zombie legos?

FrIk: Yeah, he takes them to shows, and you know, to like win awards?

[I'm completely unaware of the "Jacked-Up Lego Art Show" movement.]


Note: FrIk now shows us several scenes of the zombie-fied legos and several scenes where something definitely apocalyptic appropriately fits as a description. Score: 60 – 30 (double points)


FrIk: Yeah, he does this and paints them himself . [And…quite well, if I may add]

FrAk: [laughs]


Note: Which, at this point, I have to turn away from them, because he sounds just like Chandler Bing's girlfriend Janice, which in turn makes me crack up. Score: 60 – 40.


Final Note: After this, they pay for the check, which isn't without incident, as FrIk almost leaves his credit card in the bill…Score: FrIk wins the match!




Monday, March 7, 2011

Getting Laid Off Ghetto Style

My phone rings...I know it is my boss, she sent me a message stating, "I have something important to talk with you about, I'll call you at 9:30".

I knew I was getting laid off.  I wasn't sure how I knew, but this time, I was right...maybe because I'd habitually guessed that every call from my boss was the lay off call...maybe not.


Them:  "Hey Scott, it's [your boss], do you have a minute?"

Me: "Yes"

Them:  "I have [HR Lady's name] on the phone with me, and I have to let you know with the recent cutbacks that your position with the company has been eliminated."

Me:  "Well, I've been under the bright lights before, so more illumination won't bother me much."

Them:  "Scott, your manager is trying to tell you that your position has been eliminated."

Me:  "I heard her just fine, and being under the spotlight won't bother me none too much."

Them: "I think we're having a misunderstanding."

Me:  "Maybe so, but I work well under pressure, so being center stage and being illuminated works just fine here, I kick some ass."

Them: "Scott, we're telling you that you won't be with the company anymore."

Me:  "Whoa, now that's a whole other ballgame there, who said anything about me not being here anymore?"

Them:  "We did, your position is going away."

Me:  "Daaaaaamn, now that's not cool...going from the spotlight to having no job, that would suck, now really what are we talking about?"

Them: "We are here on the phone to talk about you getting laid off."

Me:  "Well damn, listen here, my wife finds out I don't work for the company anymore and ain't nobody getting laid or getting off round here, now what I mean?"

Them:  "Let's discuss your severance package."

Me:  "Hey lady, there ain't nothing more severe than not having a job...get it N-O J-O-B."

Them: "Well..."

Me:  "AND....let me tell you now, I ain't letting you do that...I quit...I got your PACKAGE right here, got that?"

Them:  "Excuse me?"

Me:  "THAT'S RIGHT, I ain't talking about nothing more severe than not having a job, that's all messed up."

Them:  "Your severance package Mr. West, that's where we pay you..."

Me:  "PAY ME, PAY ME, not having a job, you ain't gonna be paying me shit."

Them:  "MR. WEST, we will pay you until you find another job."

Me:  " OOOooohhhh, yeah, that's didn't hear that about me having your package did you....?"