My phone rings...I know it is my boss, she sent me a message stating, "I have something important to talk with you about, I'll call you at 9:30".
I knew I was getting laid off. I wasn't sure how I knew, but this time, I was right...maybe because I'd habitually guessed that every call from my boss was the lay off call...maybe not.
Them: "Hey Scott, it's [your boss], do you have a minute?"
Them: "I have [HR Lady's name] on the phone with me, and I have to let you know with the recent cutbacks that your position with the company has been eliminated."
Me: "Well, I've been under the bright lights before, so more illumination won't bother me much."
Them: "Scott, your manager is trying to tell you that your position has been eliminated."
Me: "I heard her just fine, and being under the spotlight won't bother me none too much."
Them: "I think we're having a misunderstanding."
Me: "Maybe so, but I work well under pressure, so being center stage and being illuminated works just fine here, I kick some ass."
Them: "Scott, we're telling you that you won't be with the company anymore."
Me: "Whoa, now that's a whole other ballgame there, who said anything about me not being here anymore?"
Them: "We did, your position is going away."
Me: "Daaaaaamn, now that's not cool...going from the spotlight to having no job, that would suck, now really what are we talking about?"
Them: "We are here on the phone to talk about you getting laid off."
Me: "Well damn, listen here, my wife finds out I don't work for the company anymore and ain't nobody getting laid or getting off round here, now what I mean?"
Them: "Let's discuss your severance package."
Me: "Hey lady, there ain't nothing more severe than not having a job...get it N-O J-O-B."
Me: "AND....let me tell you now, I ain't letting you do that...I quit...I got your PACKAGE right here, got that?"
Them: "Excuse me?"
Me: "THAT'S RIGHT, I ain't talking about nothing more severe than not having a job, that's all messed up."
Them: "Your severance package Mr. West, that's where we pay you..."
Me: "PAY ME, PAY ME, not having a job, you ain't gonna be paying me shit."
Them: "MR. WEST, we will pay you until you find another job."
Me: " OOOooohhhh, yeah, that's cool...you didn't hear that about me having your package did you....?"